All Nightaz

Well it’s been over a month since the event, and I’ve finally found enough time (at work thankfully enough) to finish this recap of Sav & my 23rd, as I know the C0nz0r loves to get these updates. And with the Kenman’s 23rd coming up this Saturday (15/09/07) I thought it was necessary to finish this off. So enjoy… _Mitcho

Saturday Night, 4th August 2007: All descended upon Pages house to celebrate the joint birthday of Al Perrone (aka Sav, Chanks, Saveroonie) & myself (aka Mitcho, Page). Read on for the low down…

Takings Risks
A classic game by all standards, I decided to use this joyous occasion to rejuvinate interest in the all-time strategy game ‘Risk’. (My rejuvination strategy apparently worked because next week some of you descended upon Pomps’ to play a few follow-up games). The game got pretty serious, and my teams inability to occupy Africa led to many air punches. After many disagreements with my team-mate Losty I decided to politely ‘f**k off’ and go pour myself a massive Vodka Stamos Style. I think Team Pomps emerged victorious, but only due to their overpowering ‘thinking poses’ (see image below).

Left: Pomps & Sav simultaneously strike ‘thinking poses’, leaving the enemy defenceless; Middle: Everyone is lovin Risk (except Lowey who is performing the ‘jerk-off’ manouver in the background); Right: Ceelow examines the dice for any sign of ‘cheat-roll modification’.

Losty; The Present Giver
Special shout-out to Losty McLost who served up Sav & I with special presents: A Bacardi & Glass Multi-pack! You would be interested to know Losty that both bottles of bacardi got smashed over two consecutive Friday nights. Thanks Brother!

Losty the present giver (not shown: Sav touching Losty’s penis)

The Scissors-Paper-Rock EXPLOSION!
Out of friggin no where Pomps and Lowey (who are forever in competition with one another) called a paper-scissors-rock match.

Here are the results of the Round Robin:

1. Round 1: Pomps vs Lowey : Pomps Wins
2. Round 2: Matty vs Sav : Matty Wins
3. Round 3: Mitcho vs Mastrosa : Mastrosa Wins
4. Round 4: Pomps vs Matty : Matty Wins
5. Round 5: Matty vs Mastrosa : Mastrosa is the CHAMPION!

Left to right: Pomps & Lowey set the pace; Matty serves Sav a killer paper, causing Sav to go into a robot-like spasm; Matty serves up Pomps with killer scissors this time; Mastrosa emerges victorious with his handy Paper!

A Party Ain’t a Party Without Schnitzels
As has come to be a tradition in our circle, schnitzels were on tap. Beginning with a first wave at approx 8pm, 24 schnitzels were demolished in a matter of minutes. This was followed by a second wave at around 9.30 which also took no prisoners. 48 schnitzels lost their lives - we will remember them.

(note: earlier that day I had foolishly sent Sav down to the shops to buy the schnitzels for the night. I advised him it was 2 packs minimum, but after squinting at the $12.99 price Sav was convinced we needed only one. Can you imagine the shit storm that would have happened if only 24 schnitzels has been provided at this party? I can only hope Kendall has adequately prepared for his September 15th party with a schnitzel feast; or there will be trouble!)

Left: Losty officially calls schnitzel season ‘open’; Middle: Big Cee says goodbye to his diet for night and smashes a schnitzel + cheese; Right: The scissors-paper-rock finalists share a schnitzel

Welcome Back Max
After about a year without seeing the sneaky dogg, Maximus made a sneaky entrance just around schnitzel time (or should I said conveniently timed entrance). We were all so excited to see him we just had to show him some love. We missed you dogg!

Poker Makes a Comeback - So Does Bacardi 151
After a pretty massive poker drought (likely attributed to our only triple Title Holder being in another country) it was game on!

By this point, my night starter drinks (i.e. Smirfnoff Black double strength tinnies) had all been consumed, and I had just cracked the 1.5L Smirnoff and begun riding the vodka wave. In other words, I was ready to play poker!

There were two tables, and I could not tell you who was sitting next to me let alone who sat at which table. After witnessing Carlo win a massive pot by pure luck, I decided trying to lose would provide me with an opportunity to actually win. This didn’t work, and I became the first one out. Burn.

The punishment: It was unanimously decided that when you got out, you had to do a shot of throat burning Bacardi 151. To describe it in detail, the shot felt like a dragon had pissed fire down my throat - but it felt good! and it wasnt long before Pomps joined me on the loser table and I was up for another shot. Then came matty out and shot number 3. Then finally the Big Cee himself lost his footing and got out. But Big Cee refused to take his 151 shot… What were we to do?

The Jamaican Double: Luckily Sav and I had anticipated that there would be a few softies amongst the real drinkers, and decided to buy two spare 6 packs in case of emergency (also catering for those cheap bastards that conveniently don’t bring their own booze). But these weren’t any old 6 packs - they were Jamaican Red Stripes; full priced at $5.00 per 6 pack. “You refuse you lose”, and so Cee had to slam down not 1 but 2 of these nasty little bottles; and he had to do it in less than 4 seconds. Needless to say he did it, so big respect for Cee and his superhuman ability to consume shit beer in lightning speeds (~3 seconds).

No photo of Cee slamming the beers was available, so I have inserted this picture of John Stamos instead to help visualise the pure awesomeness of his 2 beers under 3 seconds performance.

The Wrestling EXPLOSION
As if the scissors-paper-rock explosion hadn’t already pumped everyone up, out of friggin nowhere Pomps and Lowey start having a massive rumble in the backyard. After that had finished, and I thought things had returned to normality, Kendall and Mattdogg start laying into each other. At least pants and shirts remained on in this wrestle.

Left: Pomps and Lowey have a go; Right: Kendall and Mattdogg get serious

In Da Club
The music was pumpin, the drinks were pourin, everyone was tipsy - what else to do but jump in the club (aka my living room) and start dancin. I don’t remember much about this part of the night except that it was pretty loud and there was a lot of sausage. And ofcourse a party ain’t a party without a HOE TRAIN!

Choo choo… Here comes the HOE TRAIN!

Dance Class 101
It must have been the 151 because all of a sudden I felt the urge to flip out and bust some killer moves in da club. In my mind these moves were off the hook but in reality, they were just shit and I looked like a massive tool (as these pictures below will reveal). But hey, I had fun so who gives a f**k right?

Anyway fellas, here are my tips for impressin the ladies when out in da club. Feel free to utilise any of these moves at Kendall’s upcoming 23rd, or inside any club with a polished surface:

One-two step: a nice easy manouver to start of your routine

The retarded bird: grab a leg and swing it back and forth - it works; seriously!

The air guitar: perfect for when a power ballad comes on

The spin: get on your ass and enjoy the physics of centrifugal motion

The worm: a true party favourite, just get on your belly and do the breast-stroke

The slide: great connector move to transition between the above two moves.

The ballroom: to slow things down a bit, grab a partner and get your ballroom bounce on!

The Passout
The words ‘half-way’ are not in my dictionary. You go hard or you go home. And if going hard means passing out, getting sat on and being placed into compromising positions then its a price I’m willing to pay.

Left: Matty and Cee take advantage of my first pass-out; Middle: Cee takes advantage of my second pass-out; Right: And I’m gooonnnneeee.

Hope you have all enjoyed this recap if you’ve read this far. Until next time, this is Mitcho out!