Dolph Lundgren for Christmas
They said it couldn’t be done. There was no way you could beat the Wesley Snipes 4 movie collector’s pack this Christmas. But unlucky for Snipes I’ve been able to do just that. Ladies and gentlemen I present to you the Dolph Lundgren 3 Movie Collector’s Pack.
Besides containing three super tough Lundgren feature films that you’ve never heard of there are two more important reasons why everyone would want this in their Christmas bag. #1 all three films feature Dolph Lundgren and #2 you can get all three for less than a packet of smokes. You probably think this is too good to be true, and believe me it is, but if you hurry down to your local Woolworths Supermarket ASAP you may still be able to get your hands on this down right baaaaad asssss DVD pack.
If you have read this far and have no idea who Dolph Lundgren is, shame on you. Worse still, if you have never seen Rocky IV then just fuck right off now; I have no time for you. If you have seen Rocky IV, then you should at least be aware that Rocky’s awesome opponent Drago was played by none other than Dolph. And he would have won that fight too had Sylvestor Stallone not been writing the script.
So why would you choose the Lundgren DVD pack over the Snipes one? I’m glad you asked. Well, besides the obvious ass kicking that Lundgren dishes out in all his films (most notabley Universal Soldier in which he ripps off everyones ears and wears them around his neck) there are also these points to consider:
- Lundgren has a master’s degree in chemical engineering - No shit! From none other than my old university of sydney! How proud am I right now! He also got a scholarship to MIT in the US, only the most technically advanced university around - where all those blackjack hackers come from.
- Lundgren was a bad ass bouncer in Kings Cross in the 80’s, so he has beat the shit out of dirty criminals and transvestities in real-life too, not just in the movies.
- I’m pretty sure all three films in the pack were written, directed and star Dolph Lundgren as all characters.
- He plays the drums.
- He’s Dolph Lundgren!
This DVD pack was apparently so amazing that all the copies in the world have sold out and I cannot even locate a picture of it on Google. The only place they are available is Woolworths. Probably arrived there by accident on their way to a solar furnace but nonetheless. If you want to show someone special you really do care this Christmas, put some Lundgren into their stocking.
EDIT
Managed to locate an image…
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HAHAH
Drago… Rocky IV was one of my favorites. Rocky single handedly takes down communisim and wins the war for America.
I cant believe the didnt put Joshua Tree in the pack could have very easily made it 4. I remember alot of explosions and one very sexy ferrari…
was joshua tree one of the posters hanging on the roof of your drinking cave?
It very well could have been. right next to air america possibly…
Well i know what I want this Christmas!
Apparently he has a really small penis………
This post inspired me to watch Red Scorpion on SKY the other night. Definitely a nostalgic experience and with SKY’s super dooper recording capabilities I’ve kept it on file to satisfy any future cravings for Lundgren goodness…
OMG if Red Scorpion wasn’t enough - I just stumbled onto The Punisher… There’s something to be said about steel heeled boots.
Here is a list of Dolf Movies from IMDB
Actor:
* In Production
* 2000s
* 1990s
* 1980s
1. The Expendables (2010) (pre-production)
2. Icarus (2009) (pre-production) …. Edward Genn
3. Universal Soldier III: A New Beginning (2009) (pre-production) (rumored) …. Andrew Scott
4. Command Performance (2009) (post-production) …. Joe
5. Direct Contact (2008) (completed) …. Mike Riggins
6. Missionary Man (2007) …. Ryder
7. Diamond Dogs (2007) …. Xander Ronson
… aka Quan zhang (China: Mandarin title)
8. Inchiesta, L’ (2006) …. Brixos
… aka En busca de la tumba de Cristo (Spain)
… aka The Final Inquiry (USA: new title)
… aka The Inquiry (International: English title)
9. The Mechanik (2005) …. Nikolai Cherenko
… aka The Russian Specialist (Canada: English title: DVD title) (USA: DVD title)
10. The Defender (2004) …. Lance Rockford
11. Retrograde (2004) …. John Foster
12. Fat Slags (2004) …. Randy
13. Direct Action (2004) …. Frank Gannon
14. Detention (2003) …. Sam Decker
… aka Détention (Canada: French title)
15. Hidden Agenda (2001) …. Jason Price
… aka Double agenda (Canada: French title)
16. Agent Red (2000) …. Matt Hendricks
17. The Last Patrol (2000) …. Nick Preston
… aka The Last Warrior (USA: video title)
18. Jill Rips (2000) …. Matt Sorenson
… aka Jill l’éventreur (Canada: French title)
… aka Jill the Ripper (USA: video title)
… aka Tied Up (USA: TV title)
19. Storm Catcher (1999) …. Major Jack Holloway
20. Bridge of Dragons (1999) …. Warchild
21. Sweepers (1998) …. Christian Erickson
22. The Minion (1998) …. Lukas Sadorov
… aka Fallen Knight (Canada: English title)
… aka Guerrier des ténèbres (Canada: French title)
23. Blackjack (1998) (TV) …. Jack Devlin
… aka John Woo’s Blackjack (USA: complete title)
24. The Peacekeeper (1997) …. Major Frank Cross
25. Silent Trigger (1996) …. Waxman (Shooter)
… aka Franc-tireur en péril (Canada: French title)
… aka The Algonquin Goodbye
26. The Shooter (1995) …. Michael Dane
… aka Único sospechoso (Spain: TV title)
… aka Desafío final (Spain)
… aka Hidden Assassin (USA: video title)
… aka Strelec (Czech Republic)
27. Johnny Mnemonic (1995) …. Street Preacher
… aka Fugitivo del futuro (USA: Spanish title: TV title)
… aka Johnny Mnémonique (Canada: French title)
28. Men of War (1994) …. Nick Gunar
… aka Hombres de acero (Spain)
29. Pentathlon (1994) …. Eric Brogar
30. Joshua Tree (1993) …. Wellman Anthony Santee
… aka Army of One (USA: video title)
31. Universal Soldier (1992) …. Andrew Scott / GR13
32. Showdown in Little Tokyo (1991) …. Sgt. Chris Kenner
33. Cover Up (1991) …. Mike Anderson
34. Dark Angel (1990) …. Jack Caine
… aka I Come in Peace (USA: new title)
35. The Punisher (1989) …. Frank Castle / The Punisher
36. Red Scorpion (1989) …. Lt. Nikolai Rachenko
… aka Red Exterminator (Philippines: English title: new title)
37. Masters of the Universe (1987) …. He-Man
… aka Masters of the Universe: The Motion Picture (USA: promotional title)
38. Rocky IV (1985) …. Captain Ivan Drago
39. A View to a Kill (1985) …. Venz
How awesome is ‘Masters of the Universe’
For all of you who used to watch He-Man cartoons in the morning before school, it is the real He-Man movie.
How can one man be so awesome.