Mitchos Page

Attention all penis doodlers! You've just been trumped. Ever since I can remember, drawing penis' on desks and walls has been cool. They are quick and easy to draw, and just invoke so much emotion. I've been doodling dicks on desks and walls since high school, and then again at university where the opportunities for dick doodling are just so huge that even an elevator copped a huge 2 meter tockley during my first year alone! But I (and all other dick doodlers out there) have just been shown how the pro's do it.

Now after a friend and I turned the 'C' and 'O' from the big 'COLES' sign into a huge set of balls, and added a massive schlong underneath, I thought I was the master. But a couple of legend high school kids from the US have gone one step (maybe even two) ahead, and made a dick so big that you can see it from space (with the help of a powerful satellite). These guys thought it would be cool to use weed killer to trace out a huge tockley on their high school lawns (who wouldn't think thats a great idea). Anyway, I think they were expelled, but not before Google Earth could make their pass and record the image into the history books.


Hey Earth, You've Been Cocked!

I bought a packet of condoms the other day. Not to have sex, but just because I like to buy condoms. Anyway the packet I bought had some motivation attached to it - you see, by buying it I was offered either intrinsic or extrinsic motivation (look them up if you don't know what they mean).

The first option (the extrinsic one) was that by logging onto their website and punching in the barcode, they would send me 2 free condoms! Yep a whole 2. Or, the intrinsic option, I donate my two condoms to Africa, a continent where one condom is worth 2 weeks pay and the HIV runs wild. It was an easy choice with little thought required, I took my free condoms! No, of course I donated them to Africa, and I felt really good about doing it to, so the intrinsic motivator worked. If Bill Gates is doing his part by donating billions of dollars to cure aids in Africa, I've done mine by donating two condoms. Thats enough to keep two African men safe from AIDS (or one man if he has two penis', which I am sure at least one does).

So I've done my part, now its time to do yours! The moral of the story is that its good to give condoms away, and it sucks to have AIDS.

Something big is definitley coming, and I'm not talking about Ron Jeremy's Penis - I am ofcourse talking about a Poker Tournament for 2007. Its by invitation only, check out the details here

The other week when I was in the city (come to think of it, every time I'm in the city) I see homeless people (commonly referred to in the US as 'bums') holding up cardboard signs requesting money and/or cigarettes for food, clothing, or shelter. Roughly translated in bum-speek, 'food, clothing, or shelter' really means 'booze, heroin, or ice'. Ofcourse there are the honest bums out there, which truthfully advertise that they need money for their drug habbit, but with so many of the people working in the city having their own drug habbits to support, can anyone really spare any cash for these nomads?

I really feel for them at times, but my generous donation to the bearded fellow sleeping in a cardboard box on George St would be better spent in the pokies. Unlike homeless people, the pokies give you the opportunity to win some money back (albeit rarely). I cant remember the last time I put a dollar into a bums hat and he started to spew dollars back at me. So I had a thought about combining my borderline gambling addiction with helping the homeless - a donation tube!

Its not rocket science, its not even an original idea, I just think that next to every pokie could be a little donation tube requesting gamblers to drop in a dollar or two during their play. The amount of money people pump into those machines and lose is phenomenal, and that lost money goes to filling the pockets of casino shareholders (or the occasional money launderer). If every person playing the pokies put in just $1, that would equal a shitload of money! Then after the casino takes their cut (which they always do), the money can be given to one of a number of charities, who can then provide food, clothing and shelter (not booze, heroin, and ice) to our homeless friends. If I ever get time, I might even write a letter to the casino and propose the idea (not likely to happen anytime soon).


The rare and exotic Hobous Bumus, or more commonly known as 'The Bum'.

It was Party Time! Yesterday I celebrated my 22nd party only 17 days late. What began as what has become known as a 'sausage fest', slowly matured into a 'sausage and taco fiesta'. But with an over-population of sausages the nights activities included:

• A gangsterly bombastic hip hop performance by the Jman & Kman (Johny and Kinsley).


• A paper plane-off. Losty was the winner with Lowey left disqualified for setting his plane on fire.


• Gov'nar Holmes (recently promoted from Officer Daniel) and his Ye Olde English Policemans hat. (I have found out these are called Bobby's)


• Carlo falling down the stairs and taking 3 cross beams from my gate with him.


• Sav and Lowey splitting the pot of a very minor poker game that would have made Pomps himself turn in his grave (note: Pomps is still 'technically' alive, but hes in the UK, which is theoretically 'dead').


• The unveiling of the 'Pomp Fiction' DVD, which was beloved by all except for all those who had their names spelt wrong three times (Johny) or didnt get a mention in the credits (Lowey).


• A bunch of Lex Steele jokes which kept me up until 5am.


• And many more that I cannot recall... Such as the Bacardi 151 experience

I wish to extend a thank you to everyone who came - twas an extremely ball tingling evening. A special DVD of the nights events will be available within my usual turn-around time of 6 months - so order your copy today!


Ron Bacardi and James Beam were the first to arrive and the last to leave


But after complaints of a noise disturbance, Gov'nar Holmes was first on the scene to slap a fine on anyone who laughed at his silly hat.

As many of you will have seen (and I use the word many sparingly, as I can only guess that one or two people at most actually read this thing), the French captain Zidane delivered a beautiful headbutt on Mondays grand final. Zidane's header was reminiscent of a Pachycephalosaurus, a dinosaur species that is renowned for ramming their skulls into one another. While most people will think this was a bad move by Zidane, possibly costing France the world cup, I would like to focus on the positives of this incident which include the possibility of action stardom. Now that Schwarzenegger is governing, and Chuck Norris has dropped off the radar a little (please don't kill me Chuck), Zidane's rib cage cracking stunt could earn him a place on the big screen; although this is entirely speculation on my behalf. There are a lot of pussy looking action stars nowadays, such as Tobey Maguire as spiderman, and that new commer playing superman. Zidane looks tough, has a Vinnie Jones styled look about him, and is not afraid to throw away a world cup victory to knock a fast talking Italian on his arse.



Zidane don't take shit from no-one

What was said: Supposedly first Marco Matterazzi called the French star the Italian equivalent of 'n*****', and then insulted both his mother and his Muslim background by saying he is the 'son of a terrorist whore'.

Well if that doesn't deserve a headbutt, what does?

Last night Con did it again. For the third time Con has taken the 'poker title' redefining his status as one of the top poker stars in the universe. This is the first time anyone has claimed to title three times, so congratulations to Con on his big win. For thos of you who are saying to yourself, "what the hell is this 'title'", please read on below...

The origins of the title: It has been fortold that the title first originated in the ancient city of Atlantis in the second millenium BC. During this time 'poker' was a crude game involving sticks and rocks in which the losers were physically beaten to death. As time went on, legend has it that the philosopher Plato discovered and stole the title from an Egyption tomb in first Century BC. It then fell into the posession of the Romans, then later to the Crusades. In the early years of the second millenium, it is not known how it got there exactly, but the title was re-discovered in a small cave in eastern Australia (AKA Pomps' basement). Since then the title has passed among the best of the best, awarded to those who are elite in poker (in its modern card-based form).

Rules for the title: These are listed in no particular order.

• Any game when the title is up for grabs is called a "Title Match"


• The title is only applicapable to "the boys" - you know who you all are


• The current title holder decides when he wants to put the title on the line. Although you can hold onto the title for as long as you like, it is favoured when the title holder offers it up for a 'title match'.


• The current cost of a title match per head is $10 - this price is set by the reserve bank and based on inflation - we have no control over this


• This is a new rule, but the cost to enter the title game is not required for the current title holder - they play for free


• As well as being on of "the boys", to be eligible to claim the title, you must have played in at least one title match previously. This is a means to seperate those who are loyal to the game, and those who are just in it for kicks


• When you hold the title, you have full bragging rights


• A title match must take place in the presence of good tunes. Hiphop has been the preferred variety in the past, however classic rock is also favoured


• Its never about the money
  

Title Role of Honour (UPDATED): Here is the best of the best - title holders of the past and present...

- 2005: Mitchell Page
- 2005: Con Spathas
- 2005: Con Spathas
- 2005: Mitchell Page
- 2006: Kinsley Khoo (AKA Kman)
- 2006: Kinsley Khoo
- 2006: Con Spathas
- 2006: Carlo Olegario AKA Big Cee (Current title holder)

Explicit words were yelled and Pillows were thrown. This was my reaction and likely that of every Australian watching our World Cup Final against Italy at 1am this morning (though only those who were truly loyal threw pillows). Many words have been used to describe the loss: unfair, cheated, undeserved, robbed etc. While I do firmly believe that the penalty was undeserved, I would like to focus on the absolutely dominating effort put foward by the Socceroo's. We took on the world number three without fear and will our best performance yet. I wont name names because all of our players were supperb. So what we lost? Pick up your heads because we are still winners!


The unstoppable goal and the aftermath

UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!!! Australia are going to the second round of the World Cup! I turned on the TV 5 minutes into the game and was disapointed to see Australia down by 1. But we kept on pushing and got a tidy little penalty which resulted in a number of Guss Hidink styled air-punches. A second goal by Croatia broke my heart, but Kewell iced the cake with a long awaited goal, sealing Australia's tied victory 2 : 2!!! Its 7.30am now and unlike the majority of Australian's I'm going to work.

 
Kewell the sneaky dogg slipps one past the Croatian's

First goal I was screaming. Second goal I was jumping on my bed. Third goal I was running around my room like a crack smoking monkey with parkinsons disease. This was an unbelievable game, 3 goals in the last 8 minutes!!! Cahill 2, Aloisi 1; just a lethal combination. To quote the SBS Sports commentator, Japan were struck by an unstoppable tsunami. Its 1.30am, the adrennalin is pumping, and now I have a research proposal to work on. Go Australia!



Cahill the sexy dogg brings it home

Man I've had a busy couple of weeks. Presentations (last week) and Proposals due (next week) and shit load of other stuff that just seems to keep adding itself to the never ending pile of work which I like to call my honours research. In order to achieve maximum work time I have decided to cut back on that precious commodity called sleep. Thankfully I've had some help from my good friend Mr. Tea Bag, as well as his friend Milk and Hot Water. This post is basically to recommend tea to anyone who liked to stay up past 2am every night pumping out top notch work. Forget V! Besides being limited to 2 cans per day by so called doctors, it tastes sort of like cat piss, only slightly better. Tea is natural, cheap, and when combined with the awesome power of hot water in a porcellain mug it has the ability to transform you from a worthless scumbag into a productive member of society. I recommend up to 5 cups daily for maximum effect.


Some people like to do 10 Weetbix before they start their day. I like to do 21 V's.

When the official iPod boycott ended last month I decided to get a 60gb Video model. I'd like to take the next couple of lines to vent my frustration at the complete lack of user-friendly features of the accompanying iTunes program.

• My first problem surrounds the playlist. When you first load iTunes it picks up all the music on your computer and loads it into the playlist, as as you would expect everytime new music was added to your computer you could refresh that list to add the new songs - But NO!. This is obviously too much effort for the company that identifies user-friendliness as one of its selling points. Everytime i get new music on my computer i need to manually import it. They are up to version 6 now - get it together seriously, this feature should have been implmented in version 2. I can't be the only one that gets pissed off by this feature.



• Second problem is to do with Videos. Videos take up alot of hard disk space and after Ive put them onto my iPod I want to remove them from my computer. So I set my iPod to auto update my playlist but manually control movies. These settings don't really do what they say to do so when I removed the movies from my computer and plugged in my iPod next they were deleted. It seems logical to seperate the music and video handling capabilities completely as music files are usually much smaller than videos - but once again NO!

Today I received an award and was placed on the Dean's Honours List for Excellence in Academic Achievement (third year running). It was also the third year running that I snuck out the back door of the ceremony after receiving my award, narrowly missing out on a 15 minute cello piece. Heres some visual evidence below, with Kaz and Mercede's who picked up the 'best dressed' and 'best envelope holding' awards respectively, while the suit on the right was merely shielding his scrotum from surprise attacks (which are quite frequent at these award ceremonies).


Who's that casually dressed yet sexy dogg on the left?

Although the site is not finished yet I have decided to start posting on this cheaply made blog. I thought I would list a couple of the features of this site - simply because the site only has a couple of features. Lets begin.

Home: You will notice if you are observent that the image on the homepage continually changes. But Why? Well each image was selected completely at random and brings with it a brief message that will hopefully inspire you in your day to day life. However some of the messages simply 'uninspire' you by recommending you check out the website, which depending on your personality type could be a fatal decision. I have no intention of causing harm to anyone, I just thought it would be fun to have changing images on the homepage with little remarks to brighten up your day.

Blog: Second feature, the one your using now, is my cheaply made blog. I say cheaply because it doesn't use a database (which means this page could get very long) and if your a clever chap you could probably 'hack it' and do what you want to it - not that thered be much point. I will aim to post here as sporadically as possible, without checking my splleing or punc'tuat!on. I will try to report on ground breaking events which my crew and I have been involved with (like the time Sav stuck his dick in a fan for $10) and include photo evidence when necessary.

Photo Gallery: I don't really feel I have to explain the purpose of the photo gallery, but if you have travelled here from the past, it is basically a page which displays photos for you to browse.

Hope you enjoy the site! Until next time...